In the last year or so I’ve had, not to be dramatic or anything, a bit of a career crisis. For most of my teenage and early adult life I wanted to be a writer, and then about three years ago I had an awful thought that I would never be good enough. Instead of working hard at it and finding some time to write every week I just gave up. I would occasionally (and still do) sign into my blog and make a few half-hearted attempts to write about a new lipstick, but never anything real. Not that lipstick isn’t something of vital importance to write about (sometimes it really is) but there needs to be some real enjoyment and passion behind the writing, which mine has lacked for a long time. All of this self-doubt and lack of practice put me off pursuing a career in writing, quite specifically my dream to work for a magazine. Over the last few months I’ve started to get back a lot of the passion I had lost, and realised that I never stopped wanting that dream job, I just stopped thinking I could do it. So instead of wondering what to write about, and stressing about the fact that it’s going to be really hard to achieve everything I want, I’m going to write about it. I want this blog to change and to be somewhere I can write about all manner of topics, yes there will still be makeup related posts (that love for lipstick is going nowhere) but I think I have so much more to offer, so expect something different from me. When was sixteen I had a blog and I wrote about whatever interested me, I posted my poems (always quite awful believe me) my photography, fashion and makeup posts and short stories. I want to go back to this time of blissful unselfconsciousness and write whatever I please, not caring if other people like it. There is something very cathartic about this idea and hopefully it will get me back not the practice of writing again.
All this is in pursuit of the title of this post, being happy and doing what you love. I couldn’t sleep a few weeks ago as my brain was stuck in this whirlwind of awful thoughts that I was wasting my life in a job I don’t like and feel no passion for. This fear had me in a sort of vice grip for a couple of weeks as I was having some sort of prolonged internal panic attack that just felt like my brain was screaming ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?’. Someone who inspires me on this regard is my Dad, he works in IT and he loves his job. Yes, he gets stressed out and tired, but on a daily basis he wakes up and doesn’t dread going to work, he enjoys his job. i think this is something so rare and it makes me really sad that so many of us spend the majority of our lives at work and we hate almost every minute of it. As cheesy as it is to say, if you find a job you love doing you won’t work a day in your life, or something vaguely along those lines. This is my dream, to find something I genuinely love to do. That should be easy right?